


For a Few Confessions More.

by steeleye



Series: It's Grim Up North. [25]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 17:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19024159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steeleye/pseuds/steeleye
Summary: “Erm...hi!” Xander came face to face with four very attractive young women dressed only in towels and surprised expressions. Working as an independent building contractor still held many surprises for Xander Harris.





	For a Few Confessions More.

For a Few Confessions More.

By Steeleye.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the 'Confessions of a...” films. I write these stories for fun not profit.

 **Crossover:** The 'Confessions of a...' films. These were very soft porn films made back in the 70's about the improbable sexual antics of a guy who had various jobs; titles included, 'Confessions of a Window Cleaner', 'Confessions of a Taxi Driver', and so on, I'm sure you get the idea.

 **Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:** Written in glorious UK-English which is different to US-English.

 **Timeline:** Set in about August 2007 in my 'Grim Up North' reality.

 **Words:** 3800+.

 **Warnings:** None.

 **Summary:** “Erm...hi!” Xander came face to face with four very attractive young women dressed only in towels and surprised expressions. Working as an independent building contractor still held many surprises for Xander Harris.

0=0=0=0

**Middlesbrough Tennis Club, August 2007.**

Lifting his tool bag from the back of his Toyota pick-up, Xander sighed with satisfaction as he walked towards the club house. This little job should keep him occupied for three or four days and away from the yard. Bob, his sort of boss, and Bob's girlfriend, Sonya, were going through a 'rough' patch in their relationship. It would blow over, it always did, but until that happy time arrived the atmosphere in the office could be cut with a chainsaw. He was glad to be almost anywhere else.

As he passed by the tennis courts, Xander’s thoughts turned to his own relationship with Charlotte, his non-demonic girlfriend. They'd met back in the May of last year and things had gone pretty smoothly from that point onwards. Okay, Charlotte didn't like being called 'Chaz' or 'Chazzer' or even Lottie and yes she could be a little jealous if he happened to take too much notice of other girls when he was with her. But that was only as it should be, Xander told himself, looking at other girls while you were with your girlfriend was 'bad form' as Giles had told him. So, he did his best to kept his eyes from wandering while Charlotte was around and only looked at other girls when she wasn't there...like now.

Finding himself watching the four teenage girls playing a doubles match, Xander admired their short white tennis skirts, their athletic legs and firm young bodies. Telling himself that he was in a happy and sexually fore filling relationship with Charlotte, he blinked his eye and continued down the path towards the clubhouse. He told himself he was a 'bad man' for looking at the four high school girls and banished his 'naughty thoughts' from his mind.

The job at the clubhouse was to remove and replace several areas of rotten wood work in the Lady's Changing Rooms. He'd tried to convince the club secretary to have all the wood work remove and replaced with new treated timber but the guy had claimed that it would be too expensive even when Xander pointed out that he'd save money in the long run. But the guy had been adamant. So, he resigned himself to stripping out the rotten wood and coming back in a couple of years to do it all again. It seemed to him that people weren't satisfied until they'd paid for a job twice.

Arriving at the clubhouse, Xander checked in with the Club Secretary who escorted him to the women's changing rooms. Smelling the wood rot as soon as he walked into the room, he put down his tool bag and looked around. The one thing that made this changing room stand out from all the other locker rooms he'd been in over the years, was it smelled slightly better than the usual, male sweat and old socks smell of a men's changing room. This was in fact his first women's locker room. He paused for a moment and looked at this thought. He must have been in the girl's locker room at Sunnydale High at some point but he couldn't remember when. Pushing these thoughts of the pure terror of his schooldays to the back of his mind, he became aware that the Secretary guy was speaking to him.

“...I'll put a notice on the door so you won't be disturbed,” Mr Webb the secretary was saying, “although there's been a notice on the noticeboard for three weeks to tell everyone that you'll be working in here...”

“Yeah,” Xander interrupted the man before he went into a rant about how people didn't read the notice boards, “that'll be great, I'll just get on now, okay?”

“Erm, yes,” Mr Webb sort of got the message that Xander wanted to start work, “of course, I'll leave you to it.”

Watching Mr Webb leave, Xander smiled to himself before taking his tool belt from on top of his tool bag and buckling it on around his waist. Opening his tool bag he slipped tools into his belt; hammer, screw drivers, a couple of chisels and finally his cordless drill. This last always made him feel like a wild west sheriff about to go out and face some masked desperadoes.

Shifting the weight of the belt to a more comfortable position, Xander swaggered into the shower room. The wood rot was worse in here due to all the damp. This was where he'd start, but first he needed to find out where to switch off the water. He didn't want any accidents that might end up with him being soaked to the skin, so he started to search for the stop cock. Scanning the room he noticed a small hatch low down in the corner of the room. Walking over he crouched down and tried to open the door, if there were any stop cocks around he was betting they'd be behind that door. His first attempt at opening the door was unsuccessful. The door had no handle and it seemed to be locked or jammed closed. Taking a long handled screw driver from his belt, he inserted it into the hole where the handle should be and twisted. The door came unlocked and swung open easily.

“Cool,” Xander smiled as he reached in and turned the couple of taps inside the closet.

Standing up he walked over to a handbasin and turned on one of the taps. There was a gurgling sound, a short splutter of water and then nothing. Satisfied that he'd switched the water off, he went over to the windows above the shower area and started to poke at the wooden window frames with the end of his screwdriver. The tip of the screwdriver sunk into the wood easily, the wood was completely rotten.

Standing back he looked at the window frame as he thought about the best way of tackling this job. He'd need all his tools from his truck and of course he'd need all the replacement timber and paint. Just as he turned to head back out to his truck, he heard the door to the locker room open. At first he thought that Mr Webb had back to tell him that he'd put up the 'Out of Order' sign. But, the sound of girl's voices disabused him of that fact.

Any normal carpenter would have just stuck his head around the door and smiled before telling the girls that they couldn't come in. However, Xander couldn't be called a 'normal' carpenter. He had 'baggage', he'd gone to Sunnydale High where things were never quite what they appeared to be. Listening to the girl's laughter out in the locker room, his first instinct was to hide. Looking around for somewhere to concell himself, he considered climbing into the closet where he'd found the stop cocks, too small, he told himself.

Looking around as his panic increased he saw there was nowhere else too hide. Turning towards the windows he considered climbing outside before he noticed that, 'A' the windows were just a little too high, and, 'B' none of them opened...which was probably a contributing factor to all the wood rot in the room. Telling himself to stop acting like a stupid high school kid, he squared his shoulders and was just about to go and confront the girls and tell them they couldn't use the locker room when he was confronted by the girls themselves.

“Erm...hi!” Xander said weakly as he came face to face with four very attractive young women dressed only in towels and surprised expressions.

“And hi yourself,” replied a tall blonde girl as she stepped towards him letting her towel slip from around her body, she glanced at the three other girls who stood behind her, “Looks like our lucky day, sisters.”

“Lucky day?” Xander backed away from the girls as they all dropped their towels and advanced on him slowly; he pulled the drill from its holster and pointed it at the girls, “Stand back!” he called gesturing with the drill, “This drill's loaded and I'm not afraid to use it!”

0=0=0=0

**The Slug and Lettuce Public House.**

“It was horrible, Will,” Xander gave a shiver of disgust before lifting his glass to his lips and draining half the beer it contained.

“I'm sure it was,” Willow agreed between sips of her orange juice; Kennedy was looking after baby Abby for the afternoon so Willow could deal with Xander's problem, “very traumatic for you I'm sure.”

“I'm not sure you're taking this seriously,” Xander frowned as he put down his glass, “I feel violated.”

“No, no,” Willow shook her head, “I can see how you could feel that way,” she tried to hide the grin that was slowly turning into a great, big smile, “I mean having to have sex with...what was it?”

“Four...” Xander sighed wearily.

“That's right,” Willow did in fact laugh at the look on her old friend's face, “four, attractive, athletic and from what you've told me, insatiable seventeen year old girls.” Willow tried to hide her amusement behind her glass but failed dismally, “I mean you must be devastated, I know I would be...Aww poor Xander.” 

“Will I don't think you're taking this seriously,” Xander repeated, his voice raising in volume as he spoke, “They just used me like I was some kind of sex-toy...I think they were using magic!”

Xander was now speaking so loudly that by the time he got to the word 'magic' all conversation at Xander and Willow's end of the bar had stopped and people turned to look at them.

“So, it was a Magic Trick?” Willow said, frantically trying to act as if her friend hadn't said anything out of the ordinary; slowly people started to talk again and go back to their drinks. “What makes you think it was magic and not because they mistook you for some kind of sex-stud?”

Once again Willow had difficulty keeping a straight face.

“Oh,” Xander sighed heavily, “maybe it was the way my brain went all fuzzy...”

“Fuzzy?” Willow sipped her juice.

“Yeah 'fuzzy',” Xander confirmed, “and how it felt like I wasn't there, like I was outside my body just watching...”

“You sure this isn't some memory of a porn film you watched or something?” Willow wanted to know, “I mean there's nothing wrong with watching porn, Kennie and I do it all the time...well, I mean not _all_ the time, but sometimes.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Willow nodded, “but only girl-on-girl stuff, neither of us get turned on by guy and girl or guy and guy.”

“Hey, we're getting off subject here,” Xander pointed out, “we were talking about me being raped by four nymphomaniacs.”

“Nymphomaniacs,” Willow said wisely, “not so much fun when you meet them in the flesh, so to speak.”

“Willow!”

“Sorry,” Willow gave Xander an earnest look, “you were saying nymphomaniacs.”

“You just love saying that don't you?”

“Yeah,” Willow giggled, “nymphomaniacs, nymphomaniacs, nymphomaniacs!”

“Willow!”

“Sorry,” Willow stopped giggling for a moment, “so you think they used magic on you to make you...” Willow sniggered, “...perform!”

“Look,” Xander huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest, “if you're not going to take this seriously I'll go to Buffy. I mean if this had happened to you I'd take it seriously.”

“What, if I'd been attacked by four nymphomaniacs?”

“Yeah.”

“No need,” Willow replied calmly, “I've got Kennie to look after me, she'd deal with them.”

“Like _deal_ with them?”

“Uh-huh,” Willow nodded.

“I worry about you sometimes, Will.”

“An' I worry about you too, Xander,” Willow reached across the table and touched Xander's hand, as soon as she did her eyes went wide with surprise, “Wow!”

“What?” Xander snatched his hand away from the witch, “What's wrong?”

“Residual magic,” Willow explained, “when did you say this happened?”

“Yesterday morning,” Xander now looked worried, very worried indeed.

“Wow!” Willow repeated as she surreptitiously wiped her hand on the leg of her jeans, “That was one powerful Lust Spell they used on you.”

“So now you believe me?” the relief in Xander's voice was evident.

“Oh yeah, I believe you,” Willow nodded, “I just wish you'd come to me sooner, these sorts of spells can have some pretty dangerous side effects...”

“Side effects?” Xander's face went pale, “What sort of side effects?”

“Well, have you noticed the way girls have been looking at you since this happened?”

“N-no!” frantically Xander looked around the pub, he did in fact now notice that several women near by kept casting him predatory looks, a few were even licking their lips. “Oh god what do I do, will I have to live up a mountain for the rest of my life?”

“No,” Willow tried to sound reassuring, “I'll just give you a good degaussing and everything will be fine...of course if you want to we could always...y'know? Go back to my place, Kennedy's still at work we could have all afternoon...”

“Willow! How could you? An’ you being gay an' all!” Xander cried out bringing all conversation in the pub to a stop once more.

“HA!” Willow laughed, “You _so_ shoulda seen the look on your face.”

“Willow, please take this seriously.”

“Oh come on Xander,” Willow smirked, “I thought this was what all guys wanted, young, nubile girls throwing themselves at you and 'forcing' you to have sex with them.”

“Like you said,” Xander replied in a more normal tone, “that's fine in theory, the reality's not so hot.”

“If you say so,” Willow shrugged, “come around to my house this evening about seven and I'll get rid of that pesky lust spell, of course...” Willow gave Xander an impish grin, “...you could always come around tomorrow if you wanna see how it affects that girlfriend of yours and when are we gonna meet her anyway, you've been going with her for a year now, when are we gonna find out what she looks like??”

“Oh god, Charlotte,” Xander groaned as he held his head in his hands, “what am I going to tell her?”

“Do you need to tell her anything?”

“What if she finds out?” Xander looked horrified as the full seriousness of the situation struck him.

“Ah yeah,” Willow nodded her head sagely, “If you don't tell her and she finds out you're in deep trouble. If you do tell her and she takes it badly, you're in deep trouble again...” Willow shrugged, “...didn't you say something about her being insanely jealous even if you just look at another woman?”

“Not _insanely jealous_ ,” Xander pointed out weakly.

“My advice to you,” Willow found she was enjoying her friends discomfort, there was that German word, 'schadenfreude' or something, “is don't tell her and hope she never finds out, but if you must tell her do it somewhere public where you're not known. That way if she storms out there won't be too much fallout.”

“Yeah thanks Doctor Willow,” Xander stared grimly at his beer.

“Glad I could be of help,” Willow picked up her glass and drained the last inch of juice before she started to collect up her things, “Look, I've got to go, some of us have work to do and can't charge £500 to change a washer on a faucet.”

“That's plumbing, I'm a carpenter,” Xander pointed out grumpily.

“Whatever,” Willow shrugged as she stood up and slipped on her jacket, “don't forget to come round tonight...unless you're gonna wait in for Charlotte.”

“No I'll be around,” Xander replied resignedly, “about seven you say?”

“See you then,” Willow bent down and kissed Xander on the cheek, “gotta go, bye!”

Sitting at the table, Xander watched Willow walk out of the pub, why did these things always happen to him? Why couldn't he have a normal life? He laughed bitterly as he picked up his glass and drained the last half inch of beer. Well, he had to get back to work too. In fact he had to get back to the tennis club. Standing up, Xander took the empty glasses and put them on the bar before walking out into the bright afternoon sunlight. Perhaps he should have got Willow to give him some sort of protective amulet in case the girls came back.

0=0=0=0

**The Rosenberg-Scapone Residence later that evening.**

It was just after seven when the doorbell rang.

“Can you get that honey,” Willow called from the kitchen, “it's probably Xander.”

“No problemo,” Kennedy called back as she thundered down the stairs and opened the front door, “Hi Xander!” Kennedy cried, happy to see Willow's old friend again, she held the door open wide, “come on in.”

“But what if I'm a vamp?” Xander asked as he crossed the threshold.

“Then you'd be on fire,” Kennedy gestured to the outside world, “look, its still daylight.”

“Darn,” Xander shrugged, “you saw through my fiendish plan.”

“Got to say Xander, not much of a plan.”

“I know I'm out of practice,” Xander replied sadly, “Willow?”

“In the kitchen, come on through,” Kennedy led the way through to the rear of the house.

“This is a real cool house you've got here Kennie,” Xander said as he admired the interior of the house, “and I love what you've done with it.”

“Thank-you,” Kennedy smiled, “but you don't have to make with the small talk about the décor, I know guys don't usually notice this stuff.”

“Thank god!” Xander sighed with relief, “Because 'cool' was about all I had.”

Just at that moment, Xander arrived in the kitchen and noticed all the pots steaming away on the top of the cooker.

“I hope that's not all for me,” Xander eyed the steaming pans fearfully.

“No that's dinner,” Willow replied as she turned down the heat under the saucepans, “and you're welcome to stay, isn't he Kennie?”

“Sure,” Kennedy smiled innocently, “I'll just have to put off throwing Willow on to the floor and ravishing her until later...but its not a problem.”

“Oh!” Xander looked from Willow to Kennedy not knowing if they were kidding him or not; he looked at Willow, “you still get 'ravished' even after having Abby?”

“Yeah, sure, why not? And don't worry about her,” Willow smirked as she led Xander over to where a bowl of water stood on the working surface by the sink, “she's just messing with you...now...”

“Now?” Xander eyed the bowl warily, it looked like it was full of herbs and tea, with lumps of ice floating in it.

“Yep,” Willow grinned when she noticed where Xander's eyes were looking, “that's the de-lusting spell.”

“Looks kinda cold,” Xander pointed out.

“Yeah, well, it has to be,” Willow started to explain, “its a bit like when you had to wash that lust-dust off everyone, remember?”

Xander did indeed remember and smiled wistfully; he'd had to wash off the Lust Dust from all his female friends...in the shower...while they were naked...and unconscious. He still had nightmares about the entire incident.

“Yeah, well that was for girls, the washing I mean, this is a little more complicated.”

“Complicated?” Xander asked uneasily.

“But not so much...” Willow tried not to smile too hard, “...what you have to do is take that bowl upstairs to the bathroom. Take off all your clothes and get into the shower...”

“Uh-huh,” Xander didn't like the sound of this one little bit.

“Pour the contents of the bowl all over yourself and rub it in all over...”

“But its cold Will.”

“I'm sorry,” Willow wasn't, not really, “but it has to be cold to counteract the ‘heat’ of the lust spell.”

“Okay,” Xander replied resignedly, “what then?”

“Then you have to wash it off,” Willow fought to keep her face straight, “with cold water, particularly around your...” Willow hesitated, “...around your...you know, erm...you know, Charlotte's best friend.”

“HER WHAT!?”

“Sorry, but that's how the counter spell works...” Willow explained, “...unless you want to stay with it on you forever...”

“Okay,” Xander sighed as he picked up the bowl.

“Bathroom's top of the stairs on the right,” Willow explained helpfully.

Watching as Xander trudged towards the door like a condemned man going to the gallows, Kennedy came over to stand next to Willow.

“I thought you said he just had to wash his hands and face in the bowl,” Kennedy queried, “you didn't say anything about cold showers.”

“Didn't I?” Willow looked at her partner guiltlessly, “Must have slipped my mind.”

Several minutes later there was a scream from upstairs.

“Poor Xander,” Kennedy sighed.

“Yeah, I forgot to say I put an ice demon in the water tank.”

“You did what?” Kennedy gasped.

“Only a small one.”

“You're a bad, bad witch,” Kennedy announced, “who's going to get such a spanking as soon as you're not supplying all Abby's meals.”

“You will!?” Willow asked hopefully, looking forward to all the saved up spankings she was due, “Goody!”

“You know its only the fact that Xander's here that's stopping me from spanking you right now,” Kennedy informed her girlfriend, “Sometimes I think you do these things coz you want to get spanked.”

“Oh come on Kennie,” Willow pleaded, “it's just a bit of revenge for when Xander washed all of us down that time.”

A couple of years ago all the key women in the Slayer Organisation had been covered with magic dust that made them all want to seduce Giles. The only way to get it off was for everyone to strip off. Then, while their clothes were being washed, Xander had to use the shower to clean the dust off everyone's body. None of the girls could do it for fear of re-infection. Xander had always claimed that he'd not enjoyed seeing all his female friends naked and wet and as he kept pointing out he'd worn rubber gloves and a rubber apron. Willow had never been comfortable with this claim however, so, she'd planned a little payback.

“Okay,” Kennedy frowned at Willow, “but he stays to dinner and you are going to get an extra hard spanking for being bad!” Kennedy headed towards the stairs, “I'll go and find him some warm towels before he dies of hypothermia.”

Watching Kennedy head on out of the kitchen, Willow smiled to herself. Didn't they say revenge was a dish best served cold?

The End.


End file.
